"Aversion is the consequence of displeasure
duhkhanusayi dvesah" -Patanjai- Yoga Sutra 11.8
"Repulsion, or aversion, is based on past experience and the mental permeation that follows it. Whether conscious or not, it remains sealed in the memory, taking no account of the way the situation has evolved". - Bernard Bouanchaud, The Essence of Yoga
"Consistent asana and meditation practice will improve the way your energy flows, and this will change the way you experience yourself - transforming the way you perceive and relate to the world" - Erich Schiffmann, Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of Moving Into Stillness
"This pose elongates and strengthens your spine, brings flexibility to your back muscles, increases circulation to your pelvic region, and tones and improves functioning of your reproductive and digestive organs. It also calms your mind and relieves anxiety and nervous tension - Patricia Walden: The Woman's Book of Yoga and Health
This week I decided to start a 21 day YOGA challenge of Trikonasana, triangle pose. It is an asana I never cared for, never really felt it had any place in my daily practise. I realise since I started it that one of the reasons for avoiding it was some big discomfort in the right hip. The path of avoidance led to a huge compensation on the left side, and pretty interesting weaknesses and muscular restrictions on the right. Hmmm.
At first I must admit, the dialogue in my mind was pretty much: "what is the point of this?!" "It's not yoga if you aren't breathing!!" and basically lots of re-focusing on steady breathing and finding the point where I felt I was opening my body, not in dramatic ways, but just a bit of light, like when you open the curtains in a room. I have to say, I am practicing bit by bit and my body and attitude are really changing. The tension is lessening. I warm up well for it, and use the variations with support (wall, blocks) that make me feel as organic in the challenge as possible. I find a place I can relax into. My teacher calls it effortless effort, like Nature...crocusses pushing up through cold soil, know how, somehow, to break through the earth even when it is still cold from winter.
Today I actually heard my weaker side thank me for discovering it, and I heard my body laugh, "the issues are in the tissues!!" So true. I find there is a way to go through a challenge without stressing yourself more, you know? Do your best, go step by step, honouring yourself each step of the way. I do not chastise myself for what I do not look like in a posture, or what I cannot do. I do not compare, compete or contrast.
However...I had a conversation with a close friend who is going through some really tough circumstances which are triggering his insecurities.
He was saying things like "I just can't do it! I am not good at it! I want to give up!" How interesting that my challenge on the mat parallels and illuminates what we go through in daily life.
People say "Be positive!" "Focus on the positive" "Play to your strengths"...All good, but somehow not holistic. I find that pushing our weaknesses away just makes them weaker. Our strengths compensate and can create huge imbalances for us. I prefer to just do my best with what I have, see if I can improve, delegate or get support (like we do with yoga props) if it will help me.
I like to try everything I can to improve and reach higher. I am not really type A I think, just an excellence seeker. I also believe there is always an "I can do it" in there even if my way is not the same as someone else's. I am fine with being unique. I hope you are too. I hope you find a safe way to reach inside and find the strength and light to observe an area of yourself or your practice that
can be improved, opened, honoured, accepted, stretched, breathed into, nourished.
Let me know how it goes...
Om shanty, shanty, shanty
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